‘Born into it’: Ex Jehovah’s Witnesses reflect on their past lives and why they left

Kristof Koesharto. Jason Rebelato. These two men were born into Jehovah’s Witnesses — a global Christian denomination of thousands who are dedicated to strictly following the words of the Bible and knocking on doors to preach their truth. The men used to have no time for politics, no time for holidays, no time for blood transfusions. It used to be in their vision to know the righteous way to Paradise and to protect themselves from the oncoming destruction of Armageddon (“Doomsday”).

“A Jehovah’s Witness,” Kristof Koesharto explains, “would really experience living a very meaningful life that has a lot of direction and a lot of purpose.”

Jason Rebelato, 41, particularly stresses how a Jehovah’s Witness doesn’t necessarily have to lead this “meaningful life” all alone. He describes how being in the religious organization gave him an “automatic group of friends,” of whom he met with at least three times a week. There were many times in which he’d hangout with dozens of the friendly people from his congregation.

That wasn’t enough, however, to stop Rebelato from leaving the Christian denomination altogether. Jason Rebelato stopped attending his Kingdom Hall in western Canada at around age 20. Likewise, Kristof Koesharto, 40, was 19 when he moved on from his Norweigan Jehovah’s Witness congregation.

After making speculations about the strict religion and finding contradictions between reality and the Jehovah’s Witnesses beliefs, these two men have since found satisfaction with their choice of living an “other worldly” life. They, and several others, reflect on their unique past and how they ended up leaving the austere religious life they were born into:

JASON REBELATO, left at 20

For Jason Rebelato, one of the most terrible things that he’s endured as a young Jehovah’s Witness was boredom. Forget the celebrations, the holidays, the organized sports. When the “other worldly” children around his townhouse complex would approach him excitedly about these things, he wouldn’t have anything to say. It was all a part of being in the Jehovah’s Witness “bubble.” Rebelato states, pitifully, “That sucked when they could talk about the presents and candy they got...and I, I got nothing.” 

But after his first six months of college, he had been outside of that “bubble” long enough to realize that the “other worldly” people weren’t as bad as he was taught to think of them:

And so, Rebelato started to do research on the internet. He “learned all the stuff they don’t want you to know,” all of the contradictions in the Jehovah’s Witnesses beliefs. That was “it” for him. He stopped attending meetings, and so eventually his Jehovah’s Witness “friends” stopped being his friends. 

His mom was especially baffled by her now ex-Jehovah’s Witness son. When 20 year-old Rebelato had initially called her up to reveal his appalling research to her, she solidly stood by the religious group and angrily accused him of “listening to apostates” and lies. He and his mom then continued to have several fights over the years, in which she would sometimes “vehemently” defend the behavior of physical abuse and sexual abuse within the organization. 

Fortunately, Rebelato and his mom are on good terms now. It has been around 20 years since he, his dad, and his brother have been out of the religious organization. Some of his relatives, on the other hand,  remain dedicated to the Christian denomination and aren't in contact with him today. 

Jason Rebelato is now grateful to celebrate holidays, as that is really the sole aspect of his current life that the Jehovah’s Witnesses would disapprove of. Looking back on his past, he boldly says that Jehovah’s Witnesses is “definitely a cult.”       

INDIGO PETTY, left at 17

Indigo Petty had left her congregation in Duncanville, Texas just last year, though she’s always had doubts about the Jehovah’s Witnesses practices throughout her youth. Even as an eight year-old kid, she didn’t really think that God, if he existed, would intend for people to worship him in the way that the Jehovah’s Witnesses do. “To be a witness,” she says, “it kind of felt like I was an imposter almost..but the duty was...stay in it and keep practicing it so [I] don’t lose [my] friends and family.” 

But what made her feel like more of an imposter in such a strict religious group was the fact that she is a lesbian. It was very clear to her that the organization doesn’t “agree with” the LGBTQ community. Yes, it’s possible for people to be gay Jehovah’s Witnesses, Petty explains, but then they’d have to “live a life without knowing love.”

Nonetheless, she remembers when her Jehovah’s Witness mom, who had split from her dad years ago, secretly found out about her sexuality. Petty’s mom was looking through her phone and saw the text message conversations that she had with her high school girlfriend.

After that incident, Petty eventually found herself sitting down with her mom and the Elders of her congregation in a back room. It was, by far, one of the most terrible experiences that she’s had as a Jehovah’s Witness:

Even then, Petty didn’t leave right away at the time. She only started to consider her leave from the congregation once she had a “falling out” with her mom in her junior year of high school. During that time, Petty had to live full-time with her ex-Jehovah’s Witness dad for a while. When she finished up her school semester, her dad presented her the opportunity to opt out of the Jehovah’s Witness life by living with him instead, and she took it. Her mom was “heartbroken.”

As of this moment, Indigo Petty’s mom still talks to her and has not “currently” shunned her, just as other relatives and witnesses have done so. 

Petty is now a recent high school graduate free from the everyday hardships of being in an organization that she’s not “mentally in.” 

DAN DEGRAF, left at 18

Dan DeGraf, 33, reflects on his past experience with the “double whammy” of being both a Jehovah’s Witness and someone on the autism spectrum. 

The moment that DeGraf had decided to stop going to his congregation’s meetings in Coulterville, California was when he began to notice that many other Jehovah’s Witnesses around him were starting to get baptized and married. Compared to them, he just felt like he was “always falling backwards in a way.” It was “overwhelming” for him to take on the responsibility of being a Jehovah’s Witness.

DeGraf further describes how the lights and the terrible microphone feedback at his Kingdom Hall would annoy him. He also comments on not being able to really connect with the youth at his congregation as a kid. But the number one thing that truly did bother DeGraf, though, was how the religious group seemed to view him. 

He was put into a special ed class, which was mostly geared toward “emotionally disturbed individuals.” eGraf says, “I just had no idea at the time that that’s what they thought of me.”

As Dan DeGraf has now been out of his Jehovah’s Witnesses group for a while, he admits that he did go back a few times. His parents remain dedicated Jehovah’s Witnesses themselves. 

Currently, he attends Chico State University, looking to get his Bachelor’s degree and then perhaps a Master’s degree as well.

DARRELL TAYLOR, left at 16

Young Darrell Taylor often hopped around different Jehovah’s Witnesses congregations with his mom, as his dad was in the army. However, as much as his mom was dedicated to the religious organization, Taylor enjoyed “nothing” about it. He says, “To me, honestly, it didn’t mean anything. From the time I was a kid...it never made any sense to me. I never believed it.”

And so, he went on to live a “double life” until he was 16, even signing up for his school’s football team without his mom knowing about it. He unashamedly continued to resist against the Jehovah’s Witnesses’ standards throughout his youth, and so it’s no surprise that Taylor was eventually disfellowshipped and kicked out of his congregation:

Today Darrell Taylor, now 48 years old, remains in contact with his mom, although she’s still “standoffish.” He mentions how “you can tell she limits her interaction with me.” Meanwhile, one of his younger brothers, who’s still a Jehovah’s Witness, has shunned him since he had left.

Despite the fact that his disfellowshipment had become between him and his family, Taylor has successfully found his way in life. Though, at first, he initially had “no direction” when he left Jehovah’s Witnesses because the congregation appeared to only encourage people to “get just enough education to get a job and go preaching.” So, Taylor's first step in starting his new life was enlistment into the army. He then got his Bachelor’s degree and Master’s degree afterwards, and now he’s happily carefree with his wife and 6-figure job.

Kristof Koesharto, another ex-Jehovah's Witness who left the religious group as a teenager, particularly comments on the recovery and healing that comes with leaving the organization he was born into.

Koesharto stresses how, as a Jehovah’s Witness, “you take on an identity that’s prepared for you,” and so it’s a very difficult task to relearn “everything” once you get out. After spending so many years socially-distancing from the “other worldly” in his past life, it was primarily hard for Koesharto to learn the open-mindedness that he didn’t realize he had. He had to reinvent his approach in interacting with the world and establishing his own individuality. Numerous questions came to mind, like “What’s the meaning of life?” or “What’s right and what’s wrong?”

Because of this troubling situation that he had to face, Koesharto has suffered with depression after leaving Jehovah’s Witnesses. He even had two ex-Jehovah’s Witness friends who ended up killing themselves.

“There are two possible outcomes when you experience that: Either you end up killing yourself or you face it,” Kristof Koesharto says.

In spite of the difficulties that he had encountered, Kristof Koesharto, pictured on the right, admirably focused on moving on with his life. He studied philosophy and psychology to better understand himself and the world, and he doesn’t let his tough past weigh down on his present life. In response to how he may live differently from Jehovah’s Witnesses now, he jokes, “I’m a bad guy now.”